He gazed flatly at her, scanning her costume.He demanded, "Why are you wearing that?" Because I like it."He scowled. "I hope nobody's seen you dressed that way!" But they have, six of them, and you make seven, no, eight, because I'm one or maybe I'm two, one the me that used to be Susie the door-mat. This Susie loves the wood-nymph tunic. Brian, how was your day? Did you fuck your secretary?"Hearing that, he looked from her. A faint blush showed on his throat.She said, "I don't mind your fucking her, Brian. It's just part of your job, showing what a big shot you are, so big that a secretary has to flop down on your couch with her legs apart. I have a job too, helping Nick paint wallpaper designs. He fucks me, too, but not because I have to let him, because I love it. Dig?" Susie, what is this? What has happened?" Why, Brian, I got fed up with your squareness, your all- American boy executive shit, a life-style in which I was only a convenience. Did you notice that my pussy is. .. I had to go to my voice lesson after this... I was masturbating, listening to music in my head, as I often did. I was in love with Joan Sutherland...I had listened to her to records since I was six. Oh god, I wanted to be like her...this big woman who comes on stage and just takes over. Because of my dad, I had been to her concerts and two complete operas, La Traviata and Les Huguenots.. I got to meet her when I was eleven. She was sooooo regal. When I heard her voice, even though I played her record every day since I was seven, I was in Rachel's world... I was transported. My teacher and I were working on "O Beau Pays" from Les Hugenots...it was so hard, impossible really, to get the breathing and my throat to work right. My teacher, who had sung on stage herself, did not put up with any crap from me at all; she had coached a lot of singers, and I always, always had to be prepared, and keep my opinions to myself or she would stop the lesson and send me home. So I was watching.
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